Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
nutella sex= disaster
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
