Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
