Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
