you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
