You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i will never coherently bang her
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
