guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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