I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
