Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
