shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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