READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
