i don't like sucking hair
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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