Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i barfeds in our rink
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
