youre lurking in front of me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
