don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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