That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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