So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
