Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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