not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
