I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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