I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
