I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
