If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
