$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
