There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
