True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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