i just had sex bonerless
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
