Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
