Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
