Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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