haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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