I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
