When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
