Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
