Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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