Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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