u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
