I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
