Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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