My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
