i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
