I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Randomize
