Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
