I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
