drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
handjob tips. give me some.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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