We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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