Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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