Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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