I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
