I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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