Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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