i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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